Decisions
by Ravenus
Summary: Dannyl has to make some serious decisions. "He sank to the leafy floor, his back against the tree and his arms around his legs. He was caught up in a deep confusion; afraid, but also very much in love." Dan/Tay/Armje. COMPLETE. Challenge by Laura.Rated T


A/N: This small fic was a challange from Laura who wanted to read my version of Armje. And here it is. !Thank you so much Laura for betaing this story!

Rating: T (just to be sure...)

Disclaimer: Tayend and Dannyl belong to Trudi Canavan. I own nothing except the plot.

Enjoy!

**Decisions**

Dannyl just sat there, still staring at the beautiful man in front of him. Tayend's face showed all kinds of emotions and he was slightly jealous that the scholar was able to show them so freely. He had never been able to show emotions in public because of what he was. The young magician only felt safe around Rothen but even his mentor had never known that he wasn't attracted to women. In the past few years he hadn't been attracted to anyone. He had never looked twice at someone, man or woman.

Oh, Dannyl knew a true beauty when he saw one, and he also could see the slightly rough and unshaped beauty of Sonea. Rothen had sometimes suggested that Dannyl would be a nice match for her but he had ignored it. Comments like this threatened to make him aware that he suppressed any kind of emotion like love or lust. He wasn't even sure if he had always done this consciously. In the years since the rumour about him started he had used a tiny amount of his healing abilities to make his feelings vanish and it was what you would call a habit. Until now Dannyl hadn't even noticed that he had done this. But now that he had practically no magic left inside him, he felt helpless.

Still Tayend looked at him, expected him to say something but he simply did not know what to do. An action from his side would require experience that he did not have. He had never felt love or kissed someone before. Suddenly the magician felt small and unsure, so he averted his eyes and looked at his hands before he stood up and tested his legs. They would carry him on his escape. "I… I need some time alone, Tayend, I'm sorry. I'll be back in a few minutes." Dannyl whispered under his breath without looking at the younger man and left him where he stood. He felt the Elyne's blue eyes bore into his back giving him a bad conscience but he went on until he was completely alone.

The magician wasn't aware where he was heading, he just kept walking down a small path towards the forest. He knew that he would feel safer once he was covered from sight by the trees and only there did he stop to look back. He could see the ruins in the distance but not the scholar he had left behind. It was so like him to turn away and run whenever problems of this kind occurred. He had never dared to tell Rothen about his secret, he had never dared to think this any farther than… Dannyl paused in his thoughts. The magic came back to him and build up his defences again unconciously like he used to do so often without him even noticing. And here was the problem: habits don't break easily.

Sighing he leaned against a tree and caught his breath. He was still tired and so utterly confused. Managing his life on his own had never been a problem; he had so often told himself that he didn't need a wife. Or a man, as it was. Being completely self-dependent had always been important to him. Another deep sigh escaped his lips when Dannyl thought about being with Tayend. Carefully, he let his feelings wash over him and smiled. Yes, he definitely wanted the scholar to be with him but fear kept him cautious.

His feelings were shut down again – instantly – as if his body reacted on its own, at first he didn't even notice. This was bad and another fear bloomed in him. Much more time was needed to sort this through but they didn't have time, they were on a journey that was of great importance and their personal lives should not matter at the moment. But they do, a small voice in Dannyl's head whispered. Once more he lowered his guard, and again a smile graced his lips when he thought about Tayend. That was a good sign, wasn't it? He should go to the scholar and confess to him the most important part of his feelings. But he was so damn afraid. The battle with himself made him weak and weakness was dangerous.

He sank to the leafy floor, his back against the tree and his arms around his legs. He was caught up in a deep confusion; afraid, but also very much in love.

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Tayend had watched the taller man leave without another glimpse of him and felt the hope within him die. He hadn't known that it was there until now. Well, he _had_ known but denied it. Hope had so often failed him, but Dannyl was different. He had just confessed that he was a lad like him and it had raised Tayend's hopes. When he had run from him the scholar felt crushed and so he got up from his position, walking a few steps after his friend. At least he hoped that they were still friends.

Dannyl's confession would make the magician very uneasy, Tayend knew. Perhaps it would even destroy the man's trust in him, and the scholar couldn't bear for that to happen. He gathered their things together just to do something better than just standing there, feeling hurt. He had not really noticed that Dannyl stirred feelings in him until the incident with the thief who nearly killed him. Only when the magician had healed him with his hand on his body had Tayend felt how much he really cared for his friend, and hoped that Dannyl wouldn't see it in his mind while healing him.

Tayend shivered slightly when he thought back to that moment, not because of the fear he had experienced being stabbed or because he had been afraid that Dannyl would find out about his secret, but because the sensation of the magician's hand on his stomach had made him so nervous. Tayend wished that the other man would allow his own feelings to come through and more than everything he hoped that that Dannyl would love him. So many thoughts went through his head that he didn't notice how late it was until he finally looked at the sky and saw that the sun was already setting. With a mumbled curse he got up from where he sat and looked around the ruins.

Dannyl had gone downhill when he had left so Tayend followed the path his friend had chosen and wandered into the forest. "Dannyl?" He called but didn't get an answer. For all Tayend knew, Dannyl could hear him, and was cursing the scholar for not leaving him alone as he had asked. No, that was impossible, Dannyl might be confused and overwhelmed by this whole situation but he would not run blindly into nowhere. And he was right. After a few minutes of thorough searching he found the magician sitting beneath a tree his arms around his knees and his head buried on them. Dannyl wasn't asleep but he refused to look up at the scholar either.

"Dannyl?" Tayend asked, kneeling down beside him. He didn't look up. "Why are you hiding from me? _Me_, of all people."

Dannyl shivered when he heard the concern in the scholar's voice. No one had ever cared for him. Except Rothen but in a totally different way. He knew about Tayend's hopes - they had been obvious on his face when he had looked at Dannyl after his confession, clearly written all over his beautiful features. And the younger man was right: he knew how this felt but he was from Elyne, a land where people like Tayend – and him! – were not regarded as freaks. This was really hard for the magician, but he needed to get a grip on his feelings and be ready to deal with the possibility of new rumours. Well, maybe they were already being spread so this would not be his first concern.

Finally Dannyl lifted his head to look at Tayend with haunted eyes. The younger man was shocked at what he saw but he tried to keep his face neutral. "What do you think, Tayend? I've already had a hard time because people were speculating about what I am. And that was just a rumour, no one even knew if it was true and they talked nevertheless, not caring if they destroyed me inside! You saw the execution, right? That is what they do to people like us!" It was the first outburst of feelings Dannyl had in years. He realized that it would be much better to conceal them deep in his chest so that they could not disturb him or the people around him. Tayend looked at him, deeply hurt.

"You will have to accept what you are and what you feel," he said but Dannyl shook his head.

"My magic just acts on its own; I had to relax my guard five times while I sat here to really know what I was feeling. I'm used to being dead inside. Why change things, when its better this way?" Dannyl was speaking louder than normal and his limbs shook with every word he said. Tayend felt the force behind his words, he could see that Dannyl really meant it. Which was sad, because no person should have to live like that. If this was what they did to you once you joined the Guild in Kyralia, Tayend was happy that he had never become a magician. Before him was a man who barely knew what went on inside of him because he was afraid of others. This went deeper than he had thought originally.

"Dannyl, calm down. Please." Tayend was actually begging. "That is not you talking." Dannyl stood up to his full height and looked down at the smaller man. The scholar refused to take a step back even if this was his first reaction. "You will see that everything will be fine. You will not be alone and I have faith that your mentor, Rothen, will understand when you tell him. You can't live with a lie for the rest of your life."

"But you think I can live with you for the rest of my life?" Dannyl asked, his voice quiet but harsh. Tayend winced visibly. Yes, that was his hope, perhaps Dannyl even knew for sure what was in Tayend's head, maybe he had sensed it in him but what did it matter now? His words aimed to hurt the scholar, Dannyl wanted to run away and so he tried to make Tayend run from him. Did he really know him so little?

"Yes." The answer was simple and caught Dannyl off guard. The magician wanted nothing more than to believe what the scholar told him but he was terribly afraid. Tayend was so beautiful and it confused him even more that he cared so much. He was stunned that the smaller man had not run from him by now and felt bad for the hard words he had said just a minute ago. His fear was making him act unfairly. When he woke up he had been so weak and had felt so vulnerable that he had confessed everything, so now it was too late to take his words back. Deep within, he was sure that it was better that someone knew his secret. He _had_ felt lonely from time to time. The magician began to shiver all over, he felt so damn scared. He also was angry. At himself and at Tayend, because he wouldn't let him escape.

The scholar just stood there with his hands at his sides, looking at Dannyl, again waiting for a decision or at least a reaction, something from his friend that showed him he was willing to accept who he was. Maybe Tayend should _tell him_ who he was. A beautiful, compassionate, intelligent, interesting, helpful and caring person. It wouldn't help much, Tayend could see Dannyl's inner turmoil in his eyes, he fought hard but even Dannyl himself did not know which side was the "right" one in this battle.

"Take your time." Tayend just whispered and turned away from Dannyl. He felt crushed. "We need to get back and get our things. I left them in…" Tayend was stopped in mid speech when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder to turn him around. This was the very moment his legs began to shiver. The magician had made a decision, that was sure but he was afraid to hear what it would be. Without further hesitation Dannyl grabbed his wrists and pulled him into his arms, one hand resting on the back of Tayend's head, fingers caressing his soft hair, the other hand on his back, fingers spread, pressing him close to the taller man.

Tayend gave a surprised yelp, he wasn't prepared for that but he instantly melted into those gentle arms and rested his head on Dannyl's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Tayend. I shouldn't have said all those cruel things to you." Dannyl whispered into his ear provoking a shudder that went up and down Tayend's spine when he felt the other man's breath in his ear.

"It's alright, I know you are confused." Tayend said into Dannyl's shoulder, muffled by the fabric of the magician's robes.

"No, it's not alright. But I will make up for it, I promise." The taller man let his head rest on Tayend's and deeply inhaled the scent of the soft strands. Like flowers. Dannyl kissed the top of the scholar's head, grabbing his chin and lifting his head upwards so that he could place feather light kisses on Tayend's forehead and temples. The smaller man gasped and his eyes flew open when he felt those soft red lips on his skin. He smiled wickedly up at Dannyl.

"I have a great idea how you can make up for all you said and more." Dannyl returned his smile, it was heartfelt and true, reaching those deep eyes.

"What, my dear Tayend?"

"Kiss me!" The scholar ordered and was surprised how fast Dannyl reacted. He had waited for those words and instantly closed the distance between their faces, his lips gently brushing over the younger man's. He was so gentle, tenderly caressing Tayend's soft lips, tasting, licking, and teasing. But soon Dannyl begged for more, urging Tayend to open his lips for him and when the Elyne did the kiss grew deeper, even more intense. It was just perfect and tasted like honey. Dannyl felt himself react to the kiss in so many ways that it overwhelmed him completely. He had suppressed his feelings for such a long time that they rushed back in a huge wave in this split second and threatened to drown him. He wanted even more as he kissed Tayend hungrily, as he felt his body awaken and desire run through his veins like fire. It was so intense that he regretted not having done this earlier.

With a few small steps the magician had pressed Tayend's back against a tree and held him there covered with his own body. The smaller one gave a moan into Dannyl's lips when the man came even closer. Tayend knew that Dannyl would not let him go in short time and he just gave up and let himself being carried away by the gentle touches of the magician.

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It was already dark when Dannyl and Tayend lay down in the grass, and it seemed to be growing colder by the second. Tayend shivered and snuggled closer into the embrace of his lover who grabbed his robe that they had thrown away carelessly before and covered both their bodies with it. The ambassador hugged the naked scholar closer to him and kissed the top of his head again. "I wish I had realized all this earlier," He whispered and Tayend actually purred when Dannyl let his hand wander over his stomach.

"Me too. But at least you did and I'm sure we will make up for the time we've lost, waiting for you to realize what a wonderful and handsome man I am," Tayend answered teasingly. He purposely kept the conversation light; they would have to face enough problems and serious discussions in the future, he knew. But they were strong enough to face it all, the scholar was sure. For now he just wanted to lie here and enjoy the closeness of the other man. A smile broke on Dannyl's lips which made him smile as well.

"You are a nutcase, I swear." The magician gently mumbled and closed his eyes, idly playing with strands of Tayend's blond hair that was now messed up. The scholar leaned on his arms to look into Dannyl's beautiful face.

"Yes, but that is why you love me, right?" He asked with hope in his voice. The magician smiled, opened his eyes again and looked up into those of the man above him.

"Yes, I do."

"Tell me, Lord Dannyl!" Tayend whispered. The smile grew larger.

"I love you, Tayend of Tremmelin." The scholar pressed a feather light kiss on Dannyl's lips.

"I love you, too."

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FIN

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